Take my hand, we're off to NeverNever Land.

30.12.03

Cecilia

Mum brought me to devils bar today for some stand up comedy act by this filipino homo guy. The crowd was mostly ppl in their 30s and 40s, but me and seb had fun anyway. of course there was freely flowing alcohol for both us guys. the crooked guy was, as expected, a riot. but even funnier was this really old (read drunk) man doing his thing on the bar-top free for all to behold during the break. it killed the both of us.

finally, we know why bar-top dancing used to be illegal.

fresh from recluse 10:11 [+]

Team Singapore 2003

Presenting national pool player of the year 2003........ MR. CHEW YEOW KUAN.

click the link above to see the man doing what he does best!

fresh from recluse 22:23 [+]

i guess i've learnt a couple of things from this. that in the end, it really doesn't even matter. i can't even measure up the whole damn time to everyone (or anyone) else.

today's Non-sequitur and Bizarro in the papers were nice. and i read catcher in the rye again, Holden's still as charming as hell.

fresh from recluse 21:27 [+]

i reverted to my old ways today. only wubai knows what im thinking right now.

fresh from recluse 11:40 [+]

This time I'm 'a let it all come out

all i can say is that Durst really did us in big time, propping our hopes up like this and letting them crash to the ground. here's a big fat middle finger to u mofo.

fresh from recluse 10:38 [+]

well what can i say? i guess im just glad its over.

fresh from recluse 09:28 [+]

lowest point of the night:
when they played i'll make love to u and in the end

high point of the night:
when classics like return of the tres delinquentes and hit 'em up were spun...
and when moonlight shadow opened up the floodgates for the night's onslaught

fresh from recluse 03:22 [+]

its just one of those days, feeling like a freight train. first one to complain leaves with a blood stain. damn right im a maniac. u better watch yr back, cos im fucking up yr program. and if u're stuck up, u're just lucked up, next in line to get fucked up. your best bet is to stay away motherfucker, its just one of those days.

fresh from recluse 07:28 [+]

sneaker-pimpin'. again.

i must admit that the wkend was quite a dismal one with australia losing the world cup (yes, by an anti-climatic jonny effort that i was so worried would happen. it did anyway.) and the letdown at nike sole provider which i so looked forward to. the papers probably hyped the event up too damn much. anyhow, click the link below.

sole provider

fresh from recluse 08:51 [+]

rage. it's an unfathomable sensation. a passion that flows up and under yr skin and within yr nerves. an exhilarating experience of sorts but it can get out of control. i shld know. rage is a good friend of mine. he's been around me for hell of a long time though i haven't really seen him around lately. i guess i've mellowed since. anyhow, it was good fun catching up with him today.

fresh from recluse 07:11 [+]

ok been digging up some of them old cds from oasis and the rnj soundtrack and etc... realised everclear's pretty damn mellowed now compared to the kinda stuff they did in the past. but i've been noticing this parallel lately. me digging up my olds cds is similar to my dad digging up his old rod stewarts and scorpions etc... damned age is catching up on me.

fresh from recluse 05:38 [+]

it's been one long week for many i believe. the relief i felt at 5:30 pm today was comforting. loosened up a little playing soccer w the guys... then went dinner at al azhar w kenny koh. that dick craving for his milo dinosaur fix again haha it was a gd break for me... well its back to reality tmr.

fresh from recluse 06:19 [+]

woke up this morning with a familiar tune ringing in my head. in my half-asleep state it hit me naturally as i sang it quietly to myself in the bathroom. and yes that tune's still stuck up here right now, a song i haven't heard in awhile but yes i do remember being crazy over it once. strange how things can seem to have disappeared for awhile, but all it takes is just one spark, any spark, no matter how insignificant it may be, for u to realise that it hasn't gone away for good, just taking a brief respite in the background. and it feels even weirder when i contemplate the things that have taken a backseat, that are still there in my life, but that which i perceive to be no longer there, or worst, i don't even realise they are there. its grey matter like this that can never be reconciled, unless one day that spark comes along. and of course u're left wondering how many more of those sparks must come along to free u totally. but hey, just a thought.

The sun is shining
We should be making hay
But we’re dead from the waist down
Like in californ-i-a
Victory is empty
There are lessons in defeat
But we’re dead from the waist down
We are sleeping on our feet
We stole the songs from birds in trees
Bought our time on easy street
Now our paths they never meet
We chose to court and flatter greed, ego disposability
I caught a glimpse, and it’s not me

Make hay not war
Make hay not war
Make hay not war
Or else we’re done for
And we’re D from the W down

There’s no contracts binding
No bad scene beyond repair
But when you’re dead from the waist down
You’re too far gone to even care
We stole the songs from birds in trees
Bought our time on easy street
Now our paths they never meet
We chose to court and flatter greed, ego disposability
I caught a glimpse, and it’s not me

Make hay not war
Make hay not war
Make hay not war
Or else we’re done for
And we’re D from the W down

-dead from the waist down-

fresh from recluse 06:10 [+]

before the prom king is crowned on grad night... i present to u a sneak preview... the porn king.

**disclaimer: click on the above link only if u are 18 and above and not offended by material of this sort.**

fresh from recluse 08:26 [+]

one reason why the simpsons' never fails to make me laugh


anyway, been one helluva crazy week of post-prelims, it's back to reality as of today. time to revert to the Monk-mode again. cheers.

fresh from recluse 08:18 [+]

Fancy Face

Girl, I’d trade it all... money, cars and everything
All… even give up my street dream
All… anything to have you on my team
All… baby girl, I’d trade it all…

I Assume, I’m so into you
‘Cause even before we hit the bedroom I was friends with you
If they ask, I ain’t gotta say whom in them interviews
My sweet thing never believe them rumors that been true
The fact I had numerous friends, it’s true
But you was wifey could change me into a groom in a mintue boo
Maybe my sense of humor gets into you
But girl, they can make a perfume from the scent of you
I wanna take you where, feel like June in December too
So what you think about Cancun till the winter boo
I dunno what the other consumers you been would do
I put a day aside to go to Bloomies and spend with you
Like any other man I wana zoom to the clinic too
Ma I wanna see if me and my junior’s identical
I dude, put a wound on the skin of you
I swear to everything that same afternoon i'll be in the news, feel me?

Girl, I’d trade it all… money, cars and everything
All… even give up my street dream
All… anything to have you on my team
All… baby girl, I’d trade it all…

Even give up my good green
All… and I’d give the watch and pinky ring
All… anything to have you on my team
All… baby girl, I’d trade it all…

Come here, girl, come and take a walk with me
So I could take you places you don’t often be
Come on, ma, come and get lost with me
As far as them other chicks, can’t get ‘em off-a me
Everlastin’ love in a whole other fashion
All I’m askin’, let me cash in
‘Cause I’ll give her passion, all of the Sean John fashion
In orderly fashion perhaps when u figure out
excatly wat diddy bout cuz we can take this whole city out
Now who gon’ stop us, who gon’ knock us
Top us, we can’t find coppers to lock us
Leer jets and choppers, love helipoppers
Separate the weak from the obsolete
Hare to keep i gotcha
I rock ya word to BIG POPPA i gotcha

Yo’, this new comers known to move with the seasons
Couple winter lodges, few summer homes
And there for every oo,um, and moan
and make sure when the new hummer roams the shoes come in chrome
i aint new at buyin white yellow and Q'cumber stones
That send chills threw a womans bones
But life gives grusome alone
Even though I got the kinda bread that won’t matter if a few crumbs are blown
Flights done flew some alone
Now I wanna wake up every day with you in a new number zone
Ma-Me-ya its u I'ma phone(hello)
Just to erase all the negative view from your dome
And I promise this Fella G
And so case they hit calm all the jealousy
And drama you tellin’ me, so mama come yell at me
So I could put the top down and we could cruise like
Tom and Penelope my charm is a felony

Girl, I’d trade it all… money, cars and everything
All… even give up my street dream
All… anything to have you on my team
All… baby girl, I’d trade it all…

Even give up my good green
All… and I’d give the watch and pinky ring
All… anything to have you on my team
All… baby girl, I’d trade it all…



Cecilia

Mum treated me to a beer today, and a Corona at that. Now ain't that solid or what? Had a one on one dinner date with her haha yeah it was good.

Anyway burnt near half of my allowance today went shopping w lenn and leon but it was good fun i tell you. Leon kept saying "how i wish i could be damn freakin' rich so i can buy all the shit i want la..." You are not alone in that department bro trust me i get that in my head the whole damn time im awake.

Good morning Singapore time to wake up and drag yr hardworking bums outta bed while i attempt to shorten the hrs of daylight by sleeping them away.

fresh from recluse 13:51 [+]

here's one for all the sneaker pimps out there... got these off the net. what more can we ask for, when we've got the best of both worlds?

limited edition nike haze dunk... and a little extra

'tis a pity i own none of the two... oh well.

fresh from recluse 05:27 [+]

28 Days Later reminded me very much of many other Alex Garland novels, esp The Beach. You see there was this point of time in my life i was very much inspired by the novel (and the movie too), or affected as one can call it, by the sort of issues it was trying to address, pretty much similar to the kinda issues i was trying to address. Hell i must admit they haven't exactly been resolved, but i guess i've kinda given up trying, which is quite tragic i must say. But enough of the ghosts, there's no purpose in this whatsoever. Anyway, the movie was good, morbid in a funny way, but still good. And if u haven't exactly been provoked into considering the extreme possibilities tt life can deal u with, u probably shld start here. oh yeah, weijia was right. the zombies really run damn bloody freaking fast.

so many things to be said but there's just so little time as i struggle to hang on to remnants of hope within myself. maybe i've become numb with that same kinda feeling, maybe its time to let it all go.

fresh from recluse 10:37 [+]

and the post-prelims rampage continued last night at lennard's place. there was tons of food and booze that went around and yes it really was one great night of fun we had. just before the exams a few of us were planning what to do when they end and lennard gamely volunteered his place. thanks for everything bro. finally broke "alcohol-celibacy" (broke it on friday actually) and the brothers all agreed that last night was one night worth waiting for. lenn practically went into hyper mode later on at the club and there was fine rnb to boot that lasted us all night long. it was good tt guys like tziyang n lum were there as well cos we pretty much won't be able to spend as much time together once the A levels hit. so yeah heres one for the memories guys.

fresh from recluse 09:52 [+]

red letter day

the word's out, the verdict's been passed. received announcement from the ministry of defence that they require me to render services to the republic of singapore. yes the month of january will be the time of a newly established, regimented life.

anyway, post-prelims euphoria bubbled and fizzled out even before the actual conclusion of the exams. but hey, who's complaining?

fresh from recluse 10:08 [+]

9pm soccer has become a daily ritual for the bunch of us guys studying for the exams in our little college right smack in the middle of the ghim moh heartland. i skim through the various faces on the netball court every night and realise its always been this same few guys roughing it out w their books in the day and enjoying a good game of kickabout when the night hits. memories are made of these surely, years down the road im pretty sure i'll look back on my j2 yr and this will be one of the most vivid of memories. and this bears some semblance to those days i too felt a reluctance whenever i had to leave sch for home, the thought of leaving the street soccer court exactly 2 yrs ago, when it was our playground for most part of our lives back then, and we were the kings. when we thought nothing would get us down and when we thought we could do whatever we set out to. all so far away but yet so surreal as i relived some of the footie days now.

fresh from recluse 10:01 [+]

revival

listening to nyen's md the other day kinda sparked me off to re-listen to some of the old cds i've got. yeah i dug up the old Cake albums i've got from way back and yeah they're still positively groovy and affecting me with their eclectic sounds. i really dig those kung-fu shouts they make in the background of Never There, the good old trumpet renditions at the end of I Will Survive that was so fluid and random, the forlorn and sadness in Mexico, the seemingly endless repetitions of "shut the fuck up!" in Fashion Nugget, and of course that slow, sleepy, crawling of a drawl of vocals in the Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps cover. the list just adds up. gotta hear it to really believe it.

"oh yeah, all right."

fresh from recluse 11:39 [+]

good morning

i feel like i can fly on this double caffeinated high. realise im sinking into this quicksand of a habit in which i simply cannot stay awake in the day and all energies return to my body when the night hits. it worries me cos 4am seems like 4pm to me and vice versa, and i am reduced to watching re-runs of Days of our Lives (which i enjoy, actually) and repeats of some horror serial on Ch.8 produced when mediacorp was still called SBC. talk abt going retro.

good night.

fresh from recluse 13:25 [+]

any volunteers to wake me up at 11am later?

I'm on a train, but there's no one at the helm
And there's a demon in my brain
Who starts to overwhelm
And there it goes, my last chance for peace
You lay me down, but I get no release
And I say I, I try to keep awake
I try to swim beneath
I try to keep awake
But I, I can feel this narcolepsy slide
Into another nightmare
And there's a demon in my head who starts to play
A nightmare tape loop of what went wrong yesterday
And I hold my breath till it's more than I can take
And I close my eyes and dream that I'm awake
I try to keep awake
I try to keep awake
I try to keep awake
But I, I can feel this narcolepsy slide
Into another nightmare
I read dead Russian authors volumes at a time
I write everything down except what's on my mind
Cause my greatest fear is that sucking sound
And then I know that I'll never get back out
And there's a bone in my hand that connects to a drink
In a crowded room where the glasses clink
And I'll buy you a beer and we'll drink it deep
Because that keeps me from falling asleep I said
How'd you like to be alone and drowning
How'd you like to be alone and drowning
How'd you like to be alone and drowning
How'd you like to be alone and drowning
Still I find this narcolepsy slide slide
Into another nightmare
Keep awake, keep awake, keep awake
And I can feel this narcolepsy... slide.

third eye blind - narcolepsy

insomnia half induced by caffeine and the other half caused by excess sleep in the day shld be good for the revision. looking out the window all's cool and quiet it's like time stood still in my room with my clock out of sight. it seems like it remains 12am even with every hour passing. difficult to pin point how im feeling right now but im at ease. reckon some of u are still awake right now or just abt to go to bed, but then again i could be wrong. the only thing common we share actually. will fight off this urge. ignorance is bliss. right, shall go hit the.... books.

fresh from recluse 12:22 [+]

those of u who happen to visit this blog of mine this is an appeal to u guys to contribute to the "Buy Kennedy a Nike Michigan Dunk" fund... im running on empty these days so yeah ppl contribute generously!

p/s: im serious!

fresh from recluse 08:53 [+]

random, incoherent ramblings.

... how can u expect yr kid to take u as an example when u avoid yr father like the plague in his presence? and how now when yr kid is so convinced that he's gonna walk down the same old path with u, the one that u walked with yr father?

... I stood there beside myself
Thinking hard about the weather
Then came by a friend of mine
Suggested we go out together
Then I knew it from the start
This friend of mine would fall apart
Pretending not to see his gun
I said "let's go out and have some fun"
I know, you know, we believe in a land of love
I know, you know, we believe in a land of love

I have always thought about
Staying here and going out
Tonight I should have stayed at home
Playing with my pleasure zone
He has always been so strange
I often thought he was deranged
Pretending not to see his gun
I said "let's go out and have some fun"
I know, you know, we believe in a land of love
I know, you know, we believe in a land of love

When you are alone at night
You search yourself for all the things
That you believe are right
If you give it all away
You throw away your only chance to be here today
Then a fight breaks out on your street
You lose another broken heart in a land of meat
My friend took his final breath
Now I know the perfect kiss is the kiss of death

...to my man Tziyang, hope u're reading this, who needs (and i quote him) "some acrid-astringent-ambrosial vodka burning his throat and some spiteful-sickly-sweet cigarette smoke frying his lungs", heres an offering for u. It's the closest i can get to a combination of booze and fags for now. things would be different after the prelims... but u'd have to be on yr own for the fags dept bro.

said this was random from the start didn't i?

fresh from recluse 09:24 [+]

a deliberate attempt to jerk back what little that has been accomplished, or just a feeble effort to retain the pathetic remnants of a failed past? the same place, but a different face. ceteris paribus (not)? u see the crux of the issue has been so blatantly missed right from the beginning. pouring outside right now, times like these it feels good knowing u've got sth over yr heads to ride out the storm for u.

fresh from recluse 09:56 [+]

i've got this thing for the non-sequitur/bizarro entries in the straits times comics sections. non-sequitur's the first thing i read on the comics page, followed by bizarro. hell these are the only two i read actually, at least for the wkday comics anyway. kinda lifts my spirits up, momentarily at least, and dun we all ask for a little instant pleasure? today's (wednesday) non sequitur was good as usual, thought it was really funny cos it kinda pertained to me in a way. wonder if the situation's works out in the real world but yeah i'll keep hoping.

rose mcgowan... well what can i say abt her? she's really THE charmed one.
am currently listening to: scorpions - winds of change

fresh from recluse 06:39 [+]

i don't mean to be emotional or anything, but im feeling a sorta sense of loss right now. ppl are gonna flip by the dozens once u guys realise what im talking abt. i went phone-shopping today, and switched to a new service provider. alright nothing great, in fact sth extremely stupid to even whine or be bothered abt. but im affected. 3 yrs with my old plan and now i've switched just like that. it was the only plan i've taken ever since i had a handphone dammit. those 3210 and motorola memojazz days in sec3, alpha-numeric paging and voicemail was like the in-thing way back in 2000 and all the kids knew the codes and stuff inside out.

enough of reminiscing. i couldn't help but be hit by a sense of deja vu as I told the salesman, "Yeah i wanna switch providers". kinda reminds me of going to rj instead of hc. felt as if i was turning my back on chinese high, and i didnt like that sorta feeling. yet today i felt this sense of waste again. like all the memories that were built came to nought. ain't talking abt memories of using starhub or shit like that, im talking abt the kinda memories i've turned my back against with the choice i made. and yeah ppl say whole lotta crap abt my sch but hey i can take it in my stride, i know whatever ppl perceive aint correct cos i've been through 4 yrs there. i shld know better. and yeah i get feircely defensive abt it when ppl make insensitive remarks abt the sch, nothing wrong with that right?

but its today that put things into perspective. today's incident made me realise that i still very much miss the life that was then. and yeah i dun deny i got no qualms abt wad goes on now, but im still pretty much affected by how i could turn my back on sth i hold so much regard for, just like that. four yrs in chinese high and im proud to proclaim that i received an excellent education, no two ways abt it.

strange how sth so trivial can spark it all off so easily. call me an emotional pussy, or gay shit, but i just said wad i wanted to.
there's a chinese saying, "tian1 xia4 wu2 bu2 san4 zhi1 yan4 xi2." i guess i still dun want the banquet to end, but it has.

fresh from recluse 09:03 [+]

well done kennedy. you just burnt yr wkend doing every single shit you could cept for work. never could understand why the wkends are never as productive as the wkdays. but screw it there's hope for a better day as yet must make good progress tmr. anyways good that man utd started the season off on a gd note... hope the form lasts keeping my fingers crossed for them.

damned, monday tmr. see 15/07/03 entry.

fresh from recluse 10:24 [+]

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before

Somebody shake me
Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we're here
So far away
All the struggle
We thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here, so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
I’m not ashamed
To be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that I'm here
So far away
All the struggle
I thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that I'm here, so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
I’m not ashamed
To be the person that I am today

fresh from recluse 10:35 [+]

fresh from recluse 08:16 [+]

Good friends we have,
good friends we have lost
along the way.
In this bright future,
you can't forget your past.
So dry your tears, I say.


"Day after day, ride after ride, we'll hook up on the other side." --Tupac

fresh from recluse 09:27 [+]

fuck. it's times like these that really make me wanna say the word and say it loud. and say it loud i did when i opened up my wallet after pe today to realise that i only have 50cents left in my wallet. no i didn't forget to bring money. someone took it when i was having pe. should i feel relieved that the thief kindly left my other more impt stuff in the wallet alone? maybe? i don't know. kinda positive in a morbid way if i should think it like that i say. but no, all i wanna say is, fuck.

seems like the sch's making waves in the media all over again. not only are we hitting headlines we're now talked abt and discussed in magazines as well, hows that for publicity? check out this wk's 8days... and today's forum page as well. 2 opposing viewpoints of the same issue... now that's the kinda balanced and objective argument that needs to be achieved in a truly successful GP essay. is it a wonder at all why this sounds ironic?

fresh from recluse 09:01 [+]

Me: Is it me? Or is it the Monday?
Classmate: It's the Monday.

On Monday, my world seems to be unable to recover from the madness of the wkend, as it struggles to awake from its slumber, no matter how much (or little, rather) sleep i got the night before. Monday mornings were when my 6 am handphone alarm fails to work its magic, and i issue my personal most favourite excuse of "Let me rest for 5 mins more and i'll wake up", only to realise that the situation had become more of a "Shit i've slept half an hour more". And when i finally get out of bed, before me lies immediate challenges to be faced. I had to shower, change up, put on my shoes, get outta the house, shower, change up, put on my shoes, get outta the house.

This is the day in which my little ghetto of a neighbourhood went about their routine like any other week day: went to school, went for work, went to the markets, etc. Which makes me wonder why im always left wondering why im not able to fit into this "routine-isation" of sorts, contemplating things i'd rather be doing. Part of me tells me that there's more worthwhile things out there to be done. Part of me simply says "Quit dreaming, boy". A friend once said that in life we sometimes do things that we want to do, but most of the time we have no choice but to do some things that we absolutely have to. It's the Monday morning that leads me contemplating abt the things i want to and have to do.

I loath struggling up the bus, only to realise there's plenty of space on the bus, just that tons of students of a certain secondary sch along the way simply ignore the "Pls move to the rear sign". And it gets me all pissed up knowing that there are elderly ppl out there rushing for work who's gotta miss their bus just cos a bunch of kids act like they own the bus and can't read the bus signs. I loath studying. Don't get me wrong sch's okay plus i enjoy the company of my friends. But it's exams and lessons that get me down, and though i know these are inevitable in a student's life, i can't help feeling the way i do. The only comfort i can take is probably that im not alone in this. I loath the countless temperature-taking sessions, and yes i understand that "SARS is the virus that i just want to MINUS!" so that there will be no more "SAR-prises" and we can all be "SAR-vivors", but the sheer hassle of it puts me off. I loath looking at my watch for the umpteenth time, wishing, and hoping, and waiting, wishing, and hoping, and waiting for my break to come. And although no doubt I enjoy bumming around with my friends indulging in the extremely sacred act of "talking cock", I loath it when this becomes an excessive, even extravagant way of lulling our time away. I loath it when we simply slacked and talked and ate and tried doing some work, and doing what we did most, which was to wait for Friday.

fresh from recluse 09:36 [+]

2 straight nights of heavy boozing surely don't bode well for my system but im at a point of time in my life whereby what's bad for me is good, and if they're worst it's probably better. I've told myself this week's gonna be a week of brain drain and recklessness to recover myself from the common tests (and the trauma of results). Countless rounds of beer and bourbon later, im still haunted by the ghosts that've been with me since i cannot recall when. And in this wkend of mine, though all-night friday night rnb did do me a bit of good, as Bob Marley said to me repeatedly that "everything's gonna be alright, that my feet's my only carriage and so i've gotta push on through", but amidst the blare of eclectic sounds from electric guitars at the chinablack guitar contest last night, and the incessant crackle of pool balls being broken up at random tables at the pool parlour, and the newton circus hawkers almost near-coercing me and my friends to buy sambal stingray from THEIR stall, and the all-night bouts of smackdown on ps2 w the brothers till 8 this morning, and me, colin, hb, kennard laughing so hard it hurt as we played, and the alchohol's numbing of my senses, i remain un-numbed (if thats the word), but ever so sensitive to what's going on around and within me, i ain't doing just fine.

fresh from recluse 09:35 [+]

Uh-oh. Watch as the fierce animals come to you,
waiting to sink their teeth into your flesh.
You would have been fed to wild beasts with
your rebellious nature. Just be glad that
you're not there now, unless you enjoy being
chowed down by bits.


How Would You Have Been Executed Back in the Day?
brought to you by Quizilla

fresh from recluse 06:13 [+]

post common tests

im still seeing it all the time, that same vision, that same word. think im gonna have to live with it for quite awhile. funny how such a simple word can get my whole system outta whack. ironic.

fresh from recluse 08:53 [+]

The world is composed of rival gangs of hypnotists, each competing for your entranced attention...

fresh from recluse 08:58 [+]

One to a friend, and to myself as well.

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
and I don't know why

Well I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Me,
talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
And I know
I know they've all been talkin' bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think that there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin
Somehow I've lost my mind

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away.

Im having trouble sleeping, was talking to a friend earlier in the day and she told me she was having trouble falling asleep before 3 am recently. You're not the only one... Well i guess this goes out to you... not to mention to myself too. I wonder if she still visits anymore though she used to... hey girl this one's for you hope u see it! Hope u're sleeping well as i type this...

fresh from recluse 16:10 [+]

new order -
1. perfect kiss
2. vanishing point
3. thieves like us
cake -
1. frank sinatra
2. you turn the screws
third eye blind - the background

fresh from recluse 09:09 [+]

If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.
You can dust it off and try again, try again.

the reason im awake now at 10 in the morning is not because i have decided to alter my nocturnal sleeping habits, which in any case i have no intention to. the reason is, to put it plainly, i simply haven't slept since 1 pm saturday afternoon. measure for measure bbq went well enough, i had fun. quite proud tt im pretty good at skewing those chicken wings haha, though it aint nothing much to be proud of either. then it was embassy14, i had fun the company was great, cept for a couple of glitches all was fine. plenty of food (bbq) and plenty to drink (beer and bourbon and more to go around) and plenty of company. surely loneliness was absent last night, or was it not? then it was off to newton w kennard, hb, colin, yish, ritz for some good old mee goreng matalembut. then kennard's house w the guys where we played smackdown and fifa until the morning come. lastly, home. where i am right now in front of the comp. this is getting fucking dry im merely narrating what i've done.

for me, it's always depressing to come home from a whole night of staying out. the sun's out when u're abt to go to bed. and i get hit by pangs of guilt when i see ppl leaving their homes at 7 or 8 or 9 or even 10 am to go to work, while i can afford to come home at this hr and sleep, as they go off to earn their keep. u just feel damn bloody useless, like u've lulled yr time away aimlessly while many others are toiling, or rather, I have lulled the time away. well not too sure where im headed with this... never was sure abt anything.

well they played lady as the opening track for the trance segment at embassy. damned. the tune's still stuck fast in my head.

lady, hear me tonight.
cos my feeling is just so right.
as we dance, by the moonlight.
can't u see, u're my delight?
lady, i just feel like,
i won't get u outta my mind.
i feel loved, for the first time.
and i know that it's true i can tell by the look in yr eyes

fresh from recluse 19:26 [+]

Descent

Please come now, I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
seems I've found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

fresh from recluse 08:14 [+]

Middle-aged. You'll die from something unexpected,
just when your kids are going to college or
something great is happening. Cause Unknown.


At what age will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

In the event of my Demise
when my heart can beat no more
I Hope I Die For A Principle
or A Belief that I had Lived For
I will die Before My Time
Because I feel the shadow's Depth
so much I wanted to accomplish
before I reached my Death
I have come to grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from My eyes
I Loved All who were Positive
In the event of my Demise

fresh from recluse 09:21 [+]

"When was the last time u felt really fucking happy?"

A close friend asked me this today (im quoting him exactly). it sunk in. it suddenly struck me, i can't answer it. just as i tried to recall when it was the last time i " felt really fucking happy", a new topic came up n my friends assumed i wasn't listening. but i was, i did, in fact i heard every single word of that question, and it'd eventually haunt me the entire evening.

yes, i haven't "felt really fucking happy" in a very very long time.

fresh from recluse 09:31 [+]

Weed. Cannabis.
Youre the baby of the drugs,
and thats okay,
because Im sure,
I could do you all day.


Which drug should you be hooked on? [now with pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

fresh from recluse 10:25 [+]

mr. mcconnell amogh vivien raffli xing ning nicholas sin yee jireh seng teck zaki kai lyn wai kiong su ching xiao hui aaron matthew ying chun magdalena dawn xin yan

thanks for the times ppl...
some things in life u'll never forget. this is one of those.

fresh from recluse 09:55 [+]

if u're leaving, close the door
im not expecting people anymore
Hear me grieving
im lying on the floor
whether im drunk or Dead i really ain't too sure
im a blind man, im a blind man and my world is pale

when a blind man cries, Lord, u know there ain't no sadder tale
when a blind man cries, Lord, u know he feels it from his Soul.

fresh from recluse 10:51 [+]

ok i watched matrix reloaded today. caught it earlier on with hb, jacelyn n yishi. haha jace kept asking me abt wad happened in matrix pt.1 and i became her "infobite" for the entire show... guess it wasnt too bad but abit overhyped... nonetheless i'll be looking forward to the 3rd instalment of the trilogy... though it was really a major turn off tt the show ended with a "TO BE CONCLUDED". super off. hope i didnt just gave the game away to those who haven't caught it.

anyway finally finally met up with seb after the movie... we played pool for awhile and talked... which is the reason why i just got home =) good that u're back bro...

think i better go... got sch in the morning waking up at 8... wonder how im gonna wake up.

fresh from recluse 11:02 [+]

seb's touching down 6am tmr morning. havent seen him nor talked to him since december, except for the occasional icq chats. there's gonna be a whole lot of catching up to do... =)

fresh from recluse 07:51 [+]

finally broke the abstinence last night and gave in to temptation.
well it was fun while it lasted, and no im NOT talking abt sex or anything along the dirty line in case any of yr minds start to wander...

fresh from recluse 00:56 [+]

all hail the champions...

fresh from recluse 08:43 [+]

man utd 4 charlton 1

ruud van nistelrooy will be a name that will be on everyone's lips tonight. thanks for the hattrick bro... and of course becks capped it all off with a classic goal of his own. nvm the 2 Roy(s) in the team (keane and caroll) contributed to charlton's goal... the win is all that matters. arsenal plays leeds tmr night... just one more match to go....

anyway was in sch in the afternoon to try to do some work but didnt really do much. ended up playing a bit of bball with geraldwu n dongliang... haha caught a *free* preview of dance night in the hall.. but of cos im still gonna pay for my tic and watch it la.. not tt cheapskate.

the match was not too bad watched it with colin and hb... then went for supper with hb haha. brought him to one of my fave 24 hr prata stalls in the bukit timah area... the food was great man.. of cos the company was priceless. haha. anyways hope u guys out there are having a gd wkend.

fresh from recluse 09:03 [+]

alright sch's been open for quite some time hope u guys out there are having fun though the sars situation doesn't seem to be improving too much. saw a teary-eyed girl in the sch canteen today and wondered what was making her so upset... hope she's feeling a little better by now. cheer up everything's gonna be alright! but guys its not all doom and gloom out there, im gonna dedicate this post to the happier things in life (mine, at least).

firstly, man utd remains on top of the premiership table after beating tottenham last night.

second, lana lang is coming home! haha not exactly but yes smallville's back tonight... finally sth to fight off the blues.

lastly, april's coming to an end finally... T.S. Eliot wrote that "April is the cruellest month." Surely there's sth to cheer abt knowing that the worst month of the year's coming to a close. things can only get better from here ppl, they will... no worries.

hey it aint that bad after all right?

anyway today's such's bday... happy 18th bday girl hope u had fun celebrating it =)

fresh from recluse 07:26 [+]

here are some cds i've been listening to lately...


Depeche Mode 101: Live at the Pasadena Rose Bowl, June 18th 1988
i practically grew up listening to this cd cos this elder cousin of mine played it constantly when i used to stay over at his place when i was a kid in primary sch... the band's been around for quite some time but some of the tracks aren't too bad seriously. go check out Strangelove, Somebody, and People are People. u'll love it.


The Best of New Order
you guys may recognise them for one of their recent tracks (Brutal Sinned Ego), but new order's come a long way since they first started out, marking out a career filled with all the fame, glamour, scandals and drugs. u guys should go try World, Thieves Like Us, Perfect Kiss and Regret.

fresh from recluse 07:03 [+]

Final Score: Manchester United 3 Blackburn Rovers 1

RICARDO YOU ARE DA MAN! thanks for saving that crucial penalty u literally saved the team. anyways went to watch the match at bojangles with leslie n tim... hb and colin were there also. eh guys sorry i didn't reach there on time...

hey happy 18th birthday hb... u're legal now brother! it's been only 1 yr since we knew each other but it's been good having u as a friend and bro. we had our fair share of laughs and good times... and i'll bet we'll have a lot more of those coming up. hope our last year in college will be a great one for all of us. the best. =)

fresh from recluse 11:03 [+]

guys go get...
50cent - 21 Questions

i'll cut to the chase. henry was so bloody offside during the 2nd goal he scored against man utd. and im sure he intended the first one that went in. he's one arrogant asshole that really disses me off big time. just go take a look at how he celebrates his goals.

that aside, i've got a lot of things raging in my head i wanna get them out of.

when i become a parent in future, im gonna make sure i give my kids the best they can ever have in life. i have to, i choose to. they went through some crap in civics abt being an effective person and test if u're reactive or proactive. apparently "i choose to" is a proactive statement. my take is, we all choose when to be reactive and proactive. usually the latter works, but when all else fails and shit happens, it aint worth it sometimes.

anyway happy good friday ppl, albeit belated. caught Anger Management today. super funny. plus marisa tomei and heather graham were in it... well worth the ticket price! Haha. but nah its a funny movie. then went to ben koh's place. happy 18th bro! u're officially legal but hey it dun matter to u anyway cos u've been legal all along... yeah u know wad i mean. thanks for tonight we all had fun.

k in the meantime gotta get down to some work... it's been awhile and i gotta get into the right kinda frame of mind else im just gonna rot. aint gonna let that happen.
things are going on not too bad but im still feeling pretty damn screwd up inside and i'll live with it. something's missing in life and im not sure what. or maybe its cos there's just too much missing.

fresh from recluse 10:49 [+]

damn inverse. im watching the match at 2:30. i havent had a wink of sleep since 6am. after this blog im going down to my cousins place to watch cos we think its gonna be more fun this way. im sure i wont sleep in sch tmr la...

today's a day of highs and lows. remember the history test i missed? i took it today. whopping 3 hrs of brain drain from 1-4. damn tired after that. then went out with kennard n xiaolan (the gay brothers haha! im sure.) and others for dinner and nonsense talking session.. not too bad. haha "neemis" really make us damn inverse man. right i gotta leave my house now ppl... hope u guys wake up in time for the match.

fresh from recluse 08:38 [+]

the beach, 10pm on ch 5 tonight

you guys gotta go watch the beach tonight! i watched it way back in sec 2 and its like one of the more inspiring movies i've caught. the idea of utopia really appeals to this washed-out, cynical, negative head of mine.. just go watch its gonna be good..

anyway one more thing, there'll be this point in the movie whereby leo hangs out with 2 american beach bums for quite awhile. look out for what they're wearing... they dun change too much so theres not a lot to look out for haha. i know u guys think im nuts but just look out (and try to remember) the t-shirts they're wearing. will tell u guys why thats impt later on...
in the meantime i gtg... breakdance thingy... been 2 wks since we postponed class cos of sars so yeah. enjoy the movie and do keep a look out haha..

fresh from recluse 22:09 [+]

you know yr wkend's gonna be smashing when yr fave team ditches its previous shade of poor showing and snatches an inspiring victory. man utd's title hopes are within sight... though the midweek arsenal match is gonna be the almost a deciding factor in that. let's keep our fingers crossed for the time being.

one thing abt last night was that the team was really damn psyched up... 3 goals in five minutes, 4 goals in ten. and if man utd played this well against real the scoreline would have totally gone our way and not the other. but all the what-ifs dun matter... arsenal will be a tough draw.

fresh from recluse 21:50 [+]

conflict

which is worst? man utd losing 3-1 in the champions league or me running a fever of 38.4 deg? it's ironic that while others choose from their luxuries, i can only choose from my miseries. hell yeah i've been hit by a double whammy. i know what's going through yr head now... that dreaded 4-letter word (nope not the one with the letter F). just got back from the doc's (again) and he confirmed it isn't sars... the fever was caused by some other virus. but the news is that i won't be able to take the history exam tmr... don't know if it's good or bad news... but it's just as well i guess. been virtually "immobile" the past 2 days my revision's only half done.

so much for psyching up for history. damned. k i gotta go rest this head of mine. take care stay safe u guys...

i choose the fever to be the worst of the two.

fresh from recluse 08:09 [+]

the blues
im bedridden... well almost. quite sick. aint going sch tmr... doubt i can get through the day.

fresh from recluse 06:32 [+]

a life without toil is no life at all. thats all i wanna say right now.

fresh from recluse 08:51 [+]

well i guess its true when they say a picture paints a thousand words. hope this victory marks the start of a series of good form for the crucial matches to come. aint gonna be easy with arsenal and real but tonights match looked really promising. just the right kinda stuff to motivate my revision...

was at chijmes with sylvester watching the match when we bumped into hanboon, colin them guys. feels great to be spending time with yr brothers. the atmosphere there really beats watching the match alone at home... besides our pleasure was fuelled by the win. im really looking forward to more of such "outings"... oh well, it's all good... =)

fresh from recluse 09:57 [+]

jc students return to sch on 9 april 2003, wednesday

well the hols just seem to go on and on. last night yishi was jus lamenting that there'll be no extension of hols. i was actually quite relieved that hols were abt to end. i guess common tests would have to resurrect at a later date. but i got no complaints... this is precisely the kinda break i need to get psyched for history... gonna ace it big time. watch out world...

fresh from recluse 23:48 [+]

as the iraq war stops for half-time, SARS seems to continue its attacking form.

sounds like a soccer match haha... sorry guys think im being affected by the england-turkey match last night. u know SARS has become really serious when MY mum becomes psyched up. its the first time she actually refused to allow me out. wanted to go play pool after dinner last night somewhere near my place but she just didnt allow me out. today she actually called me when i was out to remind me to go home early... damn psyched up. sigh jus hope tt hols dun get extended for one more wk... or else we'd be bidding farewell to our dearly beloved june hols..

last night i was shocked but impressed that carrie chong actually played tupac's "changes" as the closing song for p10's late night show. its the fave tupac song of this friend of mine, hope u caught it on air! but im inclined to think tt i was the only insomniac up at that hour. good to know p10's making some effort to play some great tracks... seriously they play too much bubblegum pop shit sometimes.

anyway managed to satisfy my extreme thirst for pool today with kennard and yiying. thrashed them asses as usual... bet they'd be damn psyched up when they see this haha. sorry guys! but seriously damn off, i know theres room to be better but jus dunnoe how.

history's still untouched. must psych up. damned.

fresh from recluse 09:38 [+]

(dun be expecting any porno pic here this remains strictly a friendly website meant for everyone in the family)

smallville inspires me. or rather, kristin kreuk inspires me. she's damn pen4 !! Haha. but more than that, its the kinda show tt seems to fulfil every guy's childhood fantasy of being a superhero. reminiscing those ninja turtles, transformers and gi joe days, where i assumed the "superhero" role of fighting shredder and the dreaded crank. those days obviously are gone (unless anyone out there's having a second childhood crisis haha). but surely smallville has brought back some fond memories =) plus... who can resist lana lang? hell yeah!

some superman songs...

Somebody save me, let your warm hands break right through. Somebody save me. I don’t care how you do it. Just stay (stay with me)I made this whole world shine for you... Just stay, stay. C'mon, I’m still waiting for you
Remy Zero - Save Me

I can't stand to fly. I'm not that naive. I'm just out to find. The better part of me. I'm more than a bird. I'm more than a plane. More than some pretty face beside a train. And it's not easy to be me.
Five for Fighting - Superman

But I do know one thing though, bitches, they come they go. Saturday through Sunday, Monday, Monday through Sunday yo. Maybe I’ll love you one day, maybe we’ll someday grow, till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin’ runway ho.
Eminem - Superman

If i go crazy then will u still call me Superman. If im alive and well, will u be there holding my hand? I'll keep u by my side with my super human might... kryptonite.
3 Doors Down - Kryptonite

fresh from recluse 08:45 [+]

alright guys its april fools today but a real lousy one at that cos i haven't been able to trick nobody. sigh april fools would've been fun at RJC. its a real bummer when this has to happen in the "hols". but was kinda satisfied with myself when my friend believed tt sch hols were extended to the 14th this mth! she (dun wanna name nobody there haha) was super super slow, but still i frown at the thought of not being able to irritate more ppl on april fools.... its an even worst feeling when u havent actually been tricked by anyone! sian.

but i had fun today though. went to gerald wu's house with hanboon and colin for tennis haha... played for like 3 hrs! me and hanboon damn psyched up so we decided to play a full tennis match sheesh. didn't have time to even complete it cos we were too tired after wad seemed like forever. it was gd seeing them again cos we havent exactly met up since common tests.

oh yeah. common tests. they didnt actually really die, for now maybe. but history common test is due to resurrect april 8. which is truly great (im sure la) cos i havent really got down to studying it yet. when the hols were announced i was actually damn psyched up to get A for history.. but now a C seems more realistic (or so i hope haha). hate it when tt happens la. mr digression-procrastination is in da house...

anyhow yea i jus got back from outside and im desperately trying to post this before april fools but apparently time and tide wait for no man. my mum jus came into the room demanding i teach her how to use the thermometer she bought.

anyway... went bowling with leslie, tim koo and sebastian chai at night... today's really a new record in the history of being psyched up. i dunnoe how we decided to go bowling. the last time i did that was like sec4? haha for old times' sake. it was damn hilarious cos seb jus keep hitting the drain. and as usual leslie tt cocky ass said he'll convert his surname to mine if he lost to me in one of the rounds.

his name is leslie chen now. ha!

an eventful day, but quite a failure for an april fools. anyhow hope ppl out there had a great day tricking and gettin' tricked. i sure missed out on that. gonna make sure i really do some serious tormenting next yr. till then, later.

fresh from recluse 08:18 [+]

"What you feed us as seeds, grows and then blows up in your face, thats thug life."
--Tupac Shakur 1971-1996

hey ppl if u guys wanna noe more abt him go try out 2pacLegacy
or mtv for music videos... enjoy.

fresh from recluse 08:32 [+]

anyways was looking through the quiksilver site and came across this project they have. seems like surfers and scientists are travelling on this boat around the world to look for surf-able beaches. dunnoe why i posted this pic but its got this soothing effect on me haha. it sounds crazy... but wont it be gd if we can jus put down all the shit we have and lead a bohemian lifestyle in the high seas?
sheesh tts seriously psyched up... damned

fresh from recluse 11:15 [+]

hey guys here's a great song u ppl shld go listen to... kinda meaningful lyrics so yea.

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven (1971)

fresh from recluse 10:35 [+]

im not exactly pro-US or even pro-war, but im not exactly pro-saddam either, so yea. jus thought this would be pretty funny for u folks out there.
haha now u know how bored i was.

You voted against Saddam Hussein. For you
insolence, President Hussein will use your
family for nuclear weapons testing and force
you to hold a giant picture of him while rats
gnaw away at your skin.


The Iraqi Presidential Election!
brought to you by Quizilla

fresh from recluse 12:08 [+]

surprisingly, i stayed home all day today.

today (as in saturday) was seriously super boring. thought i shld at least spend a couple a days at home so me folks wont get so uptight. i almost spent my entire day either on the computer or on the tv, channel surfing between cnn and newsasia. as i tried in vain to look at the live cnn war cam to look out for the explosions in baghdad, SARS was continued to make its waves on newsasia. my friend was jus commenting the other time abt how we singaporeans live in interesting times, what with the war and SARS. it's so interesting that ppl dun even bother abt the war now.

but sth real wierd hit me, it's easy for us in singapore to be excited and revel abt the war ongoings, but the situation would be so different if we were the ones being bombed and all. it's jus weird that we can actually be so detached from whatever's going on. dun wanna sound cliched and all tt, but ppl down there are suffering, yet cos of geographical differences i actually have the pleasure of viewing "reality tv" at its realest. makes me abit sad.

anyhow i got through the day alright. haha my cousin sis (her name's angeline) was damn funny. she's this pri. 5 girl who like most girls are insane over f4 and their whole meteor garden crap. she actually asked me to go to some site and take part in some contest tt gives away some f4 cds. haha of cos i obliged. haha anyway hope she wins man. she swears by f4 and would constantly irritate me by sending me f4 pics haha, knowing tt i cant stand them at all.

but yea she's nice. =)

fresh from recluse 12:00 [+]

hey ppl here's my first offering to u guys...

deceased: common tests 2003

fresh from recluse 09:02 [+]

hey guys this is the first post to my first blog so i guess im kinda excited. anyway im using this unexpected holidays to do sth i've been planning to do for quite some time but jus didnt really get down to it. but it just hit me one day and i literally got "psyched up" to start the blog.. so here it is ppl... i bet i'll take a really long time to really beef up the site but hey good things take time to come abt right? =) anyhow, watch this space..

fresh from recluse 08:43 [+]