Take my hand, we're off to NeverNever Land.

30.8.03

a deliberate attempt to jerk back what little that has been accomplished, or just a feeble effort to retain the pathetic remnants of a failed past? the same place, but a different face. ceteris paribus (not)? u see the crux of the issue has been so blatantly missed right from the beginning. pouring outside right now, times like these it feels good knowing u've got sth over yr heads to ride out the storm for u.

fresh from recluse 09:56 [+]

i've got this thing for the non-sequitur/bizarro entries in the straits times comics sections. non-sequitur's the first thing i read on the comics page, followed by bizarro. hell these are the only two i read actually, at least for the wkday comics anyway. kinda lifts my spirits up, momentarily at least, and dun we all ask for a little instant pleasure? today's (wednesday) non sequitur was good as usual, thought it was really funny cos it kinda pertained to me in a way. wonder if the situation's works out in the real world but yeah i'll keep hoping.

rose mcgowan... well what can i say abt her? she's really THE charmed one.
am currently listening to: scorpions - winds of change

fresh from recluse 06:39 [+]

i don't mean to be emotional or anything, but im feeling a sorta sense of loss right now. ppl are gonna flip by the dozens once u guys realise what im talking abt. i went phone-shopping today, and switched to a new service provider. alright nothing great, in fact sth extremely stupid to even whine or be bothered abt. but im affected. 3 yrs with my old plan and now i've switched just like that. it was the only plan i've taken ever since i had a handphone dammit. those 3210 and motorola memojazz days in sec3, alpha-numeric paging and voicemail was like the in-thing way back in 2000 and all the kids knew the codes and stuff inside out.

enough of reminiscing. i couldn't help but be hit by a sense of deja vu as I told the salesman, "Yeah i wanna switch providers". kinda reminds me of going to rj instead of hc. felt as if i was turning my back on chinese high, and i didnt like that sorta feeling. yet today i felt this sense of waste again. like all the memories that were built came to nought. ain't talking abt memories of using starhub or shit like that, im talking abt the kinda memories i've turned my back against with the choice i made. and yeah ppl say whole lotta crap abt my sch but hey i can take it in my stride, i know whatever ppl perceive aint correct cos i've been through 4 yrs there. i shld know better. and yeah i get feircely defensive abt it when ppl make insensitive remarks abt the sch, nothing wrong with that right?

but its today that put things into perspective. today's incident made me realise that i still very much miss the life that was then. and yeah i dun deny i got no qualms abt wad goes on now, but im still pretty much affected by how i could turn my back on sth i hold so much regard for, just like that. four yrs in chinese high and im proud to proclaim that i received an excellent education, no two ways abt it.

strange how sth so trivial can spark it all off so easily. call me an emotional pussy, or gay shit, but i just said wad i wanted to.
there's a chinese saying, "tian1 xia4 wu2 bu2 san4 zhi1 yan4 xi2." i guess i still dun want the banquet to end, but it has.

fresh from recluse 09:03 [+]

well done kennedy. you just burnt yr wkend doing every single shit you could cept for work. never could understand why the wkends are never as productive as the wkdays. but screw it there's hope for a better day as yet must make good progress tmr. anyways good that man utd started the season off on a gd note... hope the form lasts keeping my fingers crossed for them.

damned, monday tmr. see 15/07/03 entry.

fresh from recluse 10:24 [+]

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before

Somebody shake me
Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we're here
So far away
All the struggle
We thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here, so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
I’m not ashamed
To be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that I'm here
So far away
All the struggle
I thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that I'm here, so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
I’m not ashamed
To be the person that I am today

fresh from recluse 10:35 [+]

fresh from recluse 08:16 [+]